I came across this article by John Gottman;  The Truth About Expectation In Relationships.  And it talks about the good enough relationship the title alone I know it sounds like that you’re settling but in the article it talks about what we need to do and stop putting so much expectation on our relationship, not in a bad way, just we have to look at the relationship as for what it is and set real expectation.

Let me give you a couple of lines from the article that stands out for me.

"Many marital therapists tell couples to expect less. If you lower your expectations, the argument goes, then you won’t be disappointed by your partner. This advice is wrong. Donald Baucom, a psychology professor at The University of North Carolina, studied marital expectations for a decade. He found that people get what they expect. People with low expectations tend to be in relationships where they are treated poorly, and people with high expectations tend to be in relationships where they are treated well. This suggests that by having high standards, you are far more likely to achieve the kind of relationship you want than you are by looking the other way and letting things slide."

The “Good Enough” Relationship

"In a good enough relationship, people have high expectations for how they’re treated. They expect to be treated with kindness, love, affection, and respect. They do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse. They expect their partner to be loyal. This does not mean they expect their relationship to be free of conflict. Even happily married couples argue. Conflict is healthy because it leads to greater understanding. People should not expect to solve all of the problems in their relationship, either. My Love Lab studies found that almost ⅔ of relationship conflict is perpetual."

I think we truly have to work harder on finding ways to connect and understand our partners better.

Comments

Popular Posts